Here by popular demand
An introduction to the 50 States Dinner Series
On New Year’s Day in 2020, I decided to try the “word of the year”-style resolution that had picked up in popularity. My word was going to be Gather. I wanted to deepen my connections with the people I knew. I wanted to meet new people. I wanted to host friends and acquaintances and strangers for events ranging from small intimate dinners to massive interactive experiments. My mind absolutely whirred with possibilities of ways I could connect everyone I knew and meet everyone they knew too.
And we all know what happened mere weeks later (including the cancellation of my wedding, but that’s a story for another time, and also you’ve probably heard it already).
Fast forward to last June. I looked over at my impulse-bought copy of America: The Cookbook–which had sat unopened on my shelf for over two years–and realized that there was no way I would ever cook anything from this daunting, nearly 800-page tome unless I had some sort of structure for approaching it. And, realistically, some sort of social accountability to make it happen too.
Enter the 50 States Dinner Series.
Fresh off listening to Priya Parker’s The Art of Gathering, I dreamt up the format: I would host 50 dinner parties, each themed around one of our nation’s 50 states. For each, I would plan and cook the menu (with help from my dearly beloved husband/sous chef Harsh), invite three people and their plus-ones, and facilitate a salon-style conversation about the state.
I posted an Instagram story asking if anyone in my local area would be interested in attending and which state(s) they were interested in, compiling responses into a spreadsheet. And off I went.
Since starting the dinners, I’ve been asked a handful of questions several times over–so here’s your primer on the project in Q&A format!
How did you come up with this?
The cookbook dared me to do it.
And also my brain just kinda works like this. I love starting projects (and I’m okay at finishing them). I love structure, I love a challenge. I also love hosting and I love meeting new people. I don’t really know how the idea hit, but it’s right up my alley and simply had to be done.
What order are you going in?
Alphabetical order, even though several states (Louisiana and Texas in particular) are super popular so their guest lists are already more than full. The choice of alphabetical came on the advice of a wise friend who suggested that any other order would lead to all the stereotypically “interesting” states coming first, leaving me to lose steam with repetitive menus and trouble attracting guests later in the series. Essentially, increasing the risk of burning out and quitting the project before its completion.
How are you deciding the menus?
Most people have been surprised to find out that even though I’m getting all the recipes from America: The Cookbook, it’s not organized with dedicated state menus. It has 800 recipes sorted into appetizers, mains, sides, desserts, and drinks, like most standard cookbooks. It has state and region indicators on the recipes, but the menu planning is more or less entirely up to me.
My goals (more or less in order) for menu creation are:
Prioritize state-specific recipes when possible.
Create a cohesive meal that works in a dinner party setting.
Accommodate guests’ dietary restrictions—at the very least this means everything has to be gluten-free for me, but others may have allergies or needs too.
Don’t completely break the bank or be so complicated that it’s no longer feasible or fun.
Try new things! (Sometimes this goal is in opposition to Goal #4–if I can track down a special ingredient without it being outrageous, I like to, but sometimes it’s truly outrageous and I have to make a substitution or choose a different recipe.)
Wait, so the book doesn’t group the recipes by state?
Nope! It does have a solid index where I spend a lot of time, but even any given state’s section in the index has a mix of both state and regional dishes, so I spend a lot of time on menu prep in pursuit of Goal #1 above.
This seems like a lot of work!
It is! It’s a ton of work, yet it’s incredibly fulfilling to my creative, analytical, and social sides. Which are three of my probably five sides, don’t ask me to name the other two.
Won’t this take forever?
Yes and no! I’ve had several people assume I’m trying to do all 50 states in one year, which perhaps I could do if it was my full time job. Too bad I have to work so I can afford the groceries. I’m aiming for roughly one dinner per month so I’m assuming it’ll take about 5 years. You can decide if that’s forever to you!
You’re like Sufjan Stevens!
I didn’t know what this meant when the first person said it to me, so I took it as a compliment because he’s obviously majorly talented. Turns out it was a reference to how Sufjan wanted to make an album inspired by every state in the US and quit after the third one.
So I guess bad news: it was an insult, or at least a comment on this person’s lack of faith in me. But good news: hosting a dinner party is way easier than making an entire musical album, so I think I stand a better chance at completion. And I’m already planning the fourth and fifth state dinners…so take that, Sufjan!
You should write a book!
I’m realizing now most of these are not actual questions, so it’s more of a Frequently Said Comment section than a FAQ.
My initial reaction to “you should write a book” was “Excuse me? Planning and hosting 50 dinner parties is enough work! And I’m scrapbooking it too!” But this has evolved to a response of “maybe I should!” and starting this newsletter since several friends have promised they’ll read it. We’ll see about a book, okay? I have 5 years of dinner parties to do first.
Will you do all the countries of the world next?
Please see the last sentence of the previous answer. (Also: probably not. But you’re welcome to do so and I’d love to come.)
How do you decide who’s invited to which dinner?
The ultimate goal is to mix people who will mesh well but (ideally) don’t yet know each other. When I can, I prioritize inviting people who have lived or traveled a lot in a given state to maximize hearing direct experiences. I also ask people if there’s anywhere they are super curious about or have a preference to attend.
All of this gets added to a spreadsheet as my starter for invites. Some states are way more popular than others, so I can’t always guarantee first choice for everyone–at this rate I’d have to host multiple Louisiana dinners to accommodate everyone who has it as their first choice. I aim to curate an experience where everyone will have a great time, bring something cool to share, and learn something new, no matter the state topic or menu.
Can I come to a dinner?
Yes! If you’re in the Philly area or want to visit for a state dinner, I’d love to have you, even if we don’t know each other well or at all. You can fill out my lil interest form here.